Blog, Body Image, Diary, Popular

Being the Fat daughter.

January 8, 2012

This is going to be a long post. But if you struggle with being the fat daughter, the fat sister or even the fat friend, you might want to read on or at least skim through, lol. I just want to tell you that there’s hope for us 🙂
Being the fat daughter
Yep, that’s me in a saree!

I don’t think I have the best relationship with my parents and I mostly blame my inability to talk or confront people with my feelings. I know this now at 25 because I see how it affects my current relationships and how it ended previous relationships, all through out my life. I would always choose to ignore, or so I thought because honestly, I just bottled it up until I couldn’t take it anymore and walk away. Without explanations.
It’s not healthy but I’m working on it, promise.

I grew up with my size and weight always being a constant topic in our circle of family and friends. People were always talking about how ‘big’ I was and it wasn’t just me. My mom is fat and I’ve always heard my dad say things like, “look at your size!” or ” you’re like a sumo wrestler”, etc. My dad prides himself on his appearance and his ability to stay thin and is definitely anti- fat.

I’ve heard them and many of their friends (and mine) talk about other people’s weight, calling plus size women at the beach “piglet” or making jokes about the size of a woman’s ass.
I’ve seen my mom try to justify her figure, “I’m not fat, I only have a tummy” and as puberty hit, I’ve seen her pass on this line to me, along with“You’re not fat, you’re just big” or “You’re tall so you don’t look fat”. Haha, it’s almost funny because she’d also say things like “people must think you eat so much”.
In short, I’ve grown up with fat= bad, ugly, to be made fun of and to make excuses for when picked on for it. I’ve always been subjected to fat hate from my parents, friends, etc knowingly or unknowingly.
And I’m grateful for it because it’s made me the self acceptance blogger I am today.

Now, I know my fear of bare arms is rooted to a nine year old me wearing a sleeveless pajama top and my dad saying I have such big arms, it looks so bad. I know I have my mom’s figure, especially our big tummies, and at twelve, she looked at me and said, “don’t you think you have a big stomach for some one your age? You should really do something about it”. She passed on her secret of wearing corsets to me when I was 13. Do you know, I wore a corset everyday to school, from the 8th grade onwards right until college and work.
There’s a long list of things which, as I grew older, I would think “what is wrong with my parents? You don’t do that to your kid” but now, NOW after one of the most epic moments in my life, I know it ultimately comes from a place of love and protection. They might not handle it in the best way but they were taught a different mentality about weight and thankfully, I am teaching myself to know better thanks to our incredible blog community.

As the date of my cousin’s wedding got closer, my parents put more and more pressure on me to lose weight. My dad even bought me a gym membership lol. It’s always been a topic but I inherited both their stubborn genes and they mostly give up on me listening to them. However, with the wedding announcement, it was an even bigger and more urgent deal for me to become thin and “look my best”. We’re part of a culture that is heavily influenced by What Will People Think.

I really wanted to be bridesmaid, it meant a lot to me but I was terrified of being the only fat bridesmaid and having to wear a strapless dress. I kept building myself up for it but having my parents encourage me not to do it because ‘it would look so odd’ and ‘you’re too fat for the dress’ was kind of the final straw. I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready to risk becoming an emotional wreck and have all my insecurities come back just because of comments I expected other people to make on the FAT bridesmaid. I backed out thinking my parents would lay off the pressure and I would be able to look forward to the wedding and enjoy it without being overly stressed out. I backed out probably two weeks before the wedding even though my beautiful cousin was so supportive and encouraging after having explained my feelings to her.

Being the fat daughter

See? Beautiful girls but I would have been so uncomfortable and awkward next to them because I am just not there yet. It’s sad but I let being fat deprive me of doing something so special to me and I missed out on being a part of my cousin’s biggest day.

My self esteem had hit rock bottom. I was consciously skipping meals and obsessing about the wedding, my weight and everything my parents said to me. I’m so sorry to say this, but I even had a relapse. I’m tearing up as I write this here because I am so ashamed to admit this- I started purging my meals. I am sorry, words can’t express the sadness and shame I felt at those moments, I am supposed to be Weesha of Weesha’s World, inspiring other women to love themselves but there I was on my bathroom floor, a hypocrite. I was miserable and back to feeling like my teenage self, crying on a bathroom floor, once again. I hope I don’t get corrected on this next line- I think I hid it well from everyone- the boy, my friends and even you. I don’t like sharing the true extent of my weight issues with the people in my real life because it’s all too easy to be branded as crazy and hear “yuck” in response. Not everyone gets it, maybe you are unlucky enough to.
After another visit where the topic revolved around my mom saying things like “look at what you were and what you’ve become” and “ You’re just too fat” and receiving phone calls from my dad just to talk about my weight because I’ve got so much weight to lose (just in time for the wedding of course), I had had it. I stopped visiting and calling them. When they called, I kept it to monosyllables or sometimes, I didn’t even answer the phone.

Bottled it up and walked away.

Finally, my mom had enough of the silent treatment and called me to let me know she was deeply hurt by my recent behavior. That was my breaking point, I was angry, hurt, at rock bottom and in tears ( I really hate that I cry when I’m angry, it makes it so much harder to not feel weak or get my point across) and I reminded her of every single incident or remark from her that has hurt me with regards to my weight, all their words and the relentless nagging and pressure. Why would I want to visit my parents if it just leaves me fake smiling until I’m driving back to my house in tears?

I told her about Weesha’s World and that while I get messages from strangers across the world on a daily basis, telling me I’m beautiful and that I inspire them, none of that matters when your own parents don’t think you’re good enough, you’re ugly and don’t seem to believe in you.

I let it all out, the things I’ve been through, the issues I face, the things I’ve done to my body and how much I worked and currently work to move past all of it, to try my best to love myself. After initially denying words, to justifying them, and then tears with her bringing up ALL she’s done to raise me (lord, every confrontation with my mother results in a long list of sacrifices and no. of hours in labour) I calmed down and explained that this wasn’t me saying she does not love me. I explained that it is hard enough being fat, I’m reminded of it everyday when I’m in a mall, or look at family pictures, watch TV or even hang out with friends. But I need the two people, who I love the most in the world, to love and support me no matter what, if you’re concerned- don’t attack my looks or tell me what other people are saying about my weight. I explained my blog’s purpose, my purpose and how easily I can be destroyed with her unknowing remarks. I explained how I pride myself on being so much more than just fat or pretty but her words make it almost impossible for me to feel that way.

It was a really long conversation and this post feels too long already, so in short- we were both in tears and my mom apologized to me. All she said was, “I’m sorry LuAnne, I never meant to hurt you and I love you”.
I felt lighter after that conversation because I never ever thought I would have that conversation with my mom. Never. I always thought it would be too hard, too emotional and it would not change a thing.
My mom still talks about my weight, she still wanted to know if I ever heard of something miraculous called Spanx or if my doctor’s visit resulted in him giving me a miracle weight loss drug. But now, she attempts to carefully frame her sentences or hilariously tries to correct herself when she thinks she has said something harsh. But it is a lot less, we can even have a conversation now without ever mentioning my weight (it’s a Christmas miracle!).

I put up my brave face at the wedding even though I was always self conscious, I tried to focus on being who I wanted to be- Weesha. I wore my favourite outfits during the entire trip in India, I forced myself to pose for pictures and act like I wasn’t nervous about being the only fat one, I even stepped out of my comfort zone and wore a saree for one of the events. On the day of the wedding, I wore my amazing Monif C gown, I felt beautiful and I danced, laughed, posed for pictures and sometimes glanced wistfully at the bridesmaids.

Being the fat daughter

Yes, I received a lot of compliments in my saree and gown, I suppose it helped my case that a random family friend told my folks they had a beautiful daughter who looked like Kate Winslet lol ( it was an open bar, y’all. I laughed my ass off when I heard the Kate Winslet line, especially when this same friend later told me I look like Cate Blanchett ). But during this time, my mom was on my side and we were cheering each other on (against my dad’s negative comments sometimes) and I felt proud of myself.

An uncle told me I’ve put on a lot of weight and I should go jogging or take walks, and usually I would let it hurt me and not respond. Instead, I said, “ my weight is none of your business, you’re bald but do I point it out and tell you to grow hair?”. He shut up and my mom giggled about the whole thing.

Being the fat daughter

I haven’t been able to talk to my dad, I’m only just beginning to understand why he constantly picks on other people’s weight or why he makes fun of our weight in front of other people, it’s not bitchiness or spite like I thought it was. I really think it’s insecurity, maybe his slim figure and looks are what make him feel better or maybe he thinks it’s all he has from his youth? I love my dad but I don’t think we’re ready for an epic moment similar to what my mom and I shared. I love that I feel closer to my mom, our relationship is a little more open and understanding on both sides. .

I really hope my super long post makes you feel that maybe you too can have that talk with the people in your life. You’re going to have to use your own words, your own breaking point or your own moment of courage. And if you’you’ve already had this moment, please do tell. You can inspire me and others to have ‘The talk’ more often.

Maybe I shouldn’t care so much about my parents approval or support. Maybe I’ll never reach that point of complete confidence & self acceptance.

At the end of the day, especially since I’m an only child, I think people will be in and out of my life but nobody will love me as much as my parents and they’re an important part of my roller-coaster. I’m only just realizing that I can choose to make them a part of my ups or downs
I know how fragile I can be.  And now you know that my confidence isn’t always genuine, but we all know I am never giving up.

Uncountable hugs filled with love and apologies for such a long post,

weesha_thumb_thumb

Comments

comments

  • Wow! This post touched me so much Weesha. I can identify with the struggle weight has brought to my life and I want to commend you for writing this. You are amazing, beautiful, and a very strong person.

    This road will get easier for us soon. So glad that things are progressing between you and your mother.

    Thank you thank you thank you again for putting this out to bloggers like me who can really identify with being overweight.

    P.S You are gorgeous in that saree too! Work it

    Xoxo,
    Daisy

  • Samantha

    You truly are an inspiration,LuAnne! 🙂 I'm going to read this post everytime someone calls me fat.
    Oh! And you're gorgeous!

  • Shoba

    You are correct in saying that parents' comments stick in our minds. 
    You are also beautiful. Love you. 

  • Genevieve

    luannneee <3 you have my heart

  • Shilpakhichi

    Loved reading it! Thank you so much

  • Sylvie H

    A great post! We all go thru theses moments I think when we want so badly to acept ourselves the way we are the the world creeps in and makes us doubt ourselves..but you know what it happens to skinny girls too! loll We all have insecurities that we get caught up in during moments of weakness..and it happens even as we get older..I am 34 and it still happens from time to time..thanks for sharing..I shed a tear while reading.. 🙂 

  • andrea

    I read this post on a friend's FB wall post, exactly at the moment when I needed to read such an honest and true reflection of 'being told you're too fat."Like you, I've struggled, hid, avoided, ignored the budges of hurt, the tires of pain, the bloatedness of guilt! I've blamed my mom for not controlling my diet as a kid, for never getting me into spots, for never forcing me off the couch. I blamed my dad for his silence, in all the years that he watched get bigger.
     Everyone says I have an amazing personality, I am cute(I HATE that word), I am the life of the party! But it's honestly like saying, 'It's okay if you're stupid, at east you're pretty" My personality should not be a consolation price for being FAT. 
    So this summer, I decided no more blaming anyone, no more focusing on the fat,no more hurt and anger."  It's hard, there are times I CRAVE for a Chicken Biriyani, I just tell myself, my jeans fit better. I now have a personal trainer, because motivating yourself while craving for some Thai food, is a TALL Order. 
    I drink clear soups. I stopped hiding how much I want to lose weight and started talking about the changes in my lifestyle. More because when I go out, I am still accountable to keep to my diet, because of my big mouth. And now the best thing is happening, if I miss a day at the gym, I don't beat myself up. I just put in some more time next day. If I slip on a meal and eat more than I know I should;  I don't berate myself up with the guilt routine. I just get some green tea, and drink alot more water. 
    I had lost count of the number of functions, I've wanted to be thin for. I've wanted me to look good in pics. It used to hurt so bad when the big days would come and I would in fact be heavier and consequently look TERRIBLE because I would be so depressed. 
    But now it's about forgiving myself, accepting myself and loving myself. While reading your blog, my heart went out to you because everything you said there has happened to me. I once told someone, "at least I am only fat and can lose the weight anytime. You're dumb, what can you do about it?"
     It was a low point. And while everyone in the Wedding Party looked amazing, Weesha you looked like a Greek Goddess. So elegant and so in style. We will always look at only the pictures we should have been in or the ones we think don't look the best in. The most beautiful pictures are the ones we are the happiest in. And without being being too presumptuous, you look extremely beautiful in the ones you've put up.
    I am still on this journey, but now it's to be healthy, it's so I can climb a mountain next summer, so I can slip in to smaller jeans and a simple t-shirt with out a million doubts. It's so I can look in the mirror and see the person inside out, is ME.

    I am showing you who I am, because you need to know, that in May I used to allow pics which were more than a close up of my face. And the other one is of me at work today!
    More power to you!

  • 737

    i could say that i randomly came to this blog or that it was just a coincidence. but i think i needed  this blog. 
    my insecurities about life, my family, the way i look well they have been creeping on me lately. 
    so i needed this, and you inspire me to not beat myself up at all.
    and for that Thank you so very much 

  • Rosannarm

    wow…i can so totally relate and not to blow smoke but you are beautiful and look amazing period without looking at weight or making the slap statement even though you are chunky you look great. you look beautiful in your outfits period….i am in the same position and tired of the same stuff myself..the judgements comments questions as to why i don't diet or if i lost wieght evryrthing would be better (ie find a dream man etc)….good luck..love this blog

  • Rosannarm

    in a world filled with hate deceipt and other ills, its amazing how people will judge being overweight or differently sized/shaped as somewhat the worse thing ever..hate that…and they don't even consider that sometimes those of us in that position are healthier really medically wise than our thin peers..and when there are judgemenatal mean ugly :(personality wise) drggie/alcoholic etc peoples that because they are thin are seen as better role models its frustrating when someone like the news anchor, beautiful educated empowered intelligent kind compassionate have to defend themselves as not being a good role model because of being fat! the world sucks

  • Jen

    Weesha –

    What honesty, strength and bravery you possess in the midst of such hurt.

    You are beautiful inside and out.  Simply gorgeous in that green dress and saree!!

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    You are an inspiration.

  • Island Girl

    This message sums up what I have had most of my life. I am glad that you have reached an acceptance of sorts and your mum is beginning to see the light. weesha you are beautiful and your proportions were given to you as a blessing. Only you can be the way u are and loving it, and letting people in your family know u love you as you are is hard but a step well worth taking. Good luck dear.

  • Melani

    I'm glad my friend shared this link with me. Your story is written straight from the heart, made me teary but at the same time, it also made me think. Thank you for that and thank you for being so open about it.
    Keep up the good work. You're gorgeous!

  • very nice post luanne. You look ravishing. and i love the blog header image….. that looks lovely

  • Sumiyyah

    I'm speechless.  The story is so compelling.  You're simply beautiful.  You're NORMAL.  Thank you for sharing.  Thank you so much.
    Sumiyyah

  • Wattammarion

    you go girl that was fantastic what you wrote, how true it is that our parents and family and friends try to shape us to be how they think we should be instead of loving us unconditionally and helping us.  

  • Wow, just wow. 
    I just talked with my mum about it, my parents have always been a great support, just my grandparents gave me a hard time when I was younger. (By the way, she said that you are too beautiful ^_^)
    I really can relate to all this nagging and comments here and there, it never has been that bad, but it was bad enough to make me fell insecure and bad about myself. Today my grandparents stopped making comments, I don't really know why, because I never told them it hurt me, maybe it way when I changed when, I started my blog…but I am really thankful for hanving such a supporting family.

    Never forget that yours loves you too, when you see it from a higher perspective sometimes the people that give us the hardest times are the once that love us the most, because they help us to challenge the things we want to learn in this life!

    With all your weaknesses and your strengths you are still one of the most inspiring woman for me! You are stunning and lovable and I really hope we can meet some day!

  • Izz

    Inspiring 🙂

  • Sweetheart, you are stunning! I am so so sorry that you have ever felt like you needed to hurt yourself to be beautiful. You are absolutely GORGEOUS. Some positive things about your image that need to be said:

    Your eyebrows. I always notice peoples' eyebrows, and yours are freaking gorgeous.
    Your smile. You are so photogenic, and yeah, when I saw that picture of you and your mom at the wedding, the first thought in my head was, wow, she looks like Kate Winslet.
    Your hair. So much texture and volume.
    Your eyes and bone structure. INCREDIBLY regal. Like a queen.
    Your curves. Your size is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You look like a fairy princess in every picture I've seen of you, I mean it. I don't mean you look thin. I mean that you look like a fairy princess, which is better than thin.

    You are so freaking beautiful. Seriously.

  • Sorry

    You look so beautiful in those pictures.  

  • I wrote a looong comment this morning, but I guess my computer kind of sucked it up -.-
    So what I wanted to say was first, that you are awesome and that what you experienced was kind of awesome in a certain way, cause even if it hurt, you still learned a lot for your life.
    Second, I guess every fat girl or boy can relate to this in some ways, for me my parents have always be really supportive, but my grand parents weren't. They changed alot during the past years, but still sometimes they keep on making remarks about fat people or about my eating habits.
    And third: You are amazing and inspiring, being so brave and sharing your thoughts,emotion and weaknesses.I hope some day we will meet! 

  • aka.gidget

    I am a plus-size Australian girl and I have felt this so many times before. I just wanted you to know you have inspired me today. I have never known of someone that understands what I feel but now I do and I feel as though I can look up to you. I really just wanted to thank you, you are an inspiration to many girls and women out there and we should all take a page from your book. I just thought you should know, thank you again.
    Sincerely,
    Jacqueline Warwick 🙂

  • Stella Cavalcanti

    Dear Weesha,
    I can´t believe I´m writing here. I´m a brazilian girl and i´m fat. Yes, I´m fat as my father´s family, not slim as my mother and my sisters. And I grew up listening to things like "Oh, Stella only eats once a day – after she wakes up, and it goes until she goes to sleep." (Yeah, I believe I was 7 when my fat dad said that for the first time)
    I grew up feeling ugly – "oh, such a doll face, beautiful hair, why are your sisters thin and you are fat?"

    Thanks for everything you said. I translated this post to portuguese and posted it into my blog . I just want to scream it out of rooftops. That´s what you did, in your beautiful pink saree, in your candid words.

    I´m braziliam. I´m not Gisele. I´m not Fulvia Lacerda. I´m a short and fat brazilian, white as snow white, in a coutry obcessed with thin an tanned girsl. I´m light years apart the Girl os Ipanema, and I go to the beach in a big t-shirt and shorts. But now I held my head high and my eyes are tearing up, ´cause you made me believe in beauty and courage. Thanks, Weesha. or, in portuguese, Muito obrigada.

    here´s the link http://www.telinha.blogspot.com/2012/01/eu-preciso-compartilhar-este-post-do.html

  • jess

    go girl! i love what you said to your uncle, i wish i could think of smart things to say like that when people make rude comments about me, but its always so difficult, you looked great at the wedding and always remember that you define your own reality.  if we worried about pleasing everyone all the time, life would be miserable……… xoxo

  • First off I want to say you look stunning in that green dress and in your saree. I cannot imagine having parents that make comments like that and I applaud you for being brave and talking to your mother about how it made you feel. As a rage crier myself, I understand the frustration of trying to be angry and getting your point across through tears. It's a difficult one. I'm an only child as well and I've been fortunate enough to have parents that have always been supportive no matter my weight, but I think this is because my mother, who is rail thin now, was horribly bullied by her older sister when she was younger for being fat. I've seen how a family member's comments have effected her as an adult and it shocks me that someone who you are supposed to be able to trust to care for you and support you can be the very one who tears you down. I hope that one day you'll be able to have the discussion that brought you closer to your father and hopefully find why he is so fat-phobic. Thanks again for writing such a wonderful piece. It was really inspirational!
    ♡ Brooke

  • Laura

    Thank you so much for having the bravery to write this post.  I have a very similar relationship with my parents (we are Italian) and feel like your words were speaking for me.  I think you are a very beautiful woman and I applaud you & your journey.

  • Fabulosityfactor

    Weesha…you are amazing.  You are a beautiful woman inside and out.  This post is wonderful.  You look gorgeous in your saree, and that green dress makes you look like a goddess.  You ARE a goddess, and don't let any one tell you otherwise.  You are strong and courageous and it took a lot of guts to post about this, but you did it.  And we love you.  LOVE YOU, GIRL!

  • Christina A Lindsay

    What a wonderful post; honest and heartfelt. We all strive to make our parents proud and no doubt all have trouble doing so for whatever reason, but you are right – we only ask them to love and accept us and it is ourselves we should make proud, and love. It's hard to do. I feel fat and disgusting every day (and unsuccessful, not wealthy enough, not generous enough, not good enough a person) but I try to remember positive things. I read recently that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but to ourselves – e.g. How far you have come I'm whatever sense. I'm trying to remember that every time I think negatively. I also recently bought a silver ring and the band is heart shaped – each time I look at it I tell myself to love myself. You sound as though you have taken a lot of steps to loving you – I think this comes with age but I also think insecurities are natural for us all. Even if someone appears to be perfect. I'm sorry for the long comment. Well done Weesha.

  • One step at a time, madame. You'll get there. At least you and your mom are forging a new way forward!

    Big hugs! xoxoxoxo

  • Oh Weesha, that was a beautiful post! I can totally relate to everything you said. I hit rock bottom this past Summer. I finally realized/admited I have a binge eating disorder and I felt horrible and like a hipocrite since my blog also tries to empower other women to become "irresistible." I started seeing an eating disorder therapist and it's been the best thing I've ever done for myself. I was bullied all through my school years for being the "fat girl." That led to me binge eating all these years.

    You are absolutely stunning and truly the definition of an Irresistible woman! I'm so glad you had the courage to confront your mother. Stay strong and take it one day at a time!

    -Mimi

  • Dear Weesha, it's great to hear that your relation with your mother improved so drastically after speaking out about your feelings. I really think that most parents want to support their children at heart and usually they consider nagging to be the easiest way… it's amazing… when I think back to when I was 16/17 in retrospekt I must say I really wasn't fat but everyone not only of my close familiy but also distant relatives told me that I'm finally borderline fat… after almost 4 years of depressions I had gained 40kg and left everyone speechless but still through reading blogs (your lovely blog included ♥) I eventually was able to start believing again in my worth as a person. Since then I adopted a stance of: Yes I am fat, but neither ugly nor dumb. But everyone has moments of weakness (I myself typically have more than I'd actually want to admit) thats just natural and I wish for you that for the times to come you now will be able to resist the pressure. I sure think that you are a beautiful woman with a unique style and you looked great in that sari ♥.

  • Victoria

    Thank you so much for this post. I'm a long time reader, but I haven't commented before and this post finally prompted me to come out of the woodwork. I've struggled with loving my self and my body my whole life, but I have honestly never had to go through what you've gone through. I've had a similar conversation with my mum in relation to weight and body image, but it was more in relation to how her lack of self esteem and love for her own fat body has affected how I feel about myself (ie if she doesn't love her self, or think she is beautiful, how can I, especially if I am much fatter and much less conventionally beautiful?)

    The only explicitly negative and abusive comments about my body have come from strangers, and they hurt me so much, I can't even begin to think about how I would feel if they came from my own parents, who are meant to love me and care for me. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. Your strength and resilience are an inspiration to me.

    You are beautiful and amazing and you've totally made me cry on this beautiful summer's day in Sydney.

  • Before I say anything let me just 1st tell you how beautiful you looked at the wedding. I love you in that Saree and that Motif C. dress is so stunning on you! Thank you for sharing this very personal information. I went through so many emotions but the one that I just can't shake is anger! I can't believe that your own parents speak these things to you. My blood is boiling! As a mother, I could not imagine saying anything like this to my daughter. You poor thing. Our parents are who we seek our approval from and as daughters it is mostly the approval of our fathers that means the most. There are so many reasons that I can give as to why your past relationships with men have failed. You are full of insecurities and its no wonder. I have family members that say the same sort of things but I really don't give a hoot! I may be "fat" as they say but "skinny" does not get you into heaven and neither does being judgmental or outright rude! True beauty is inside. The heart. My sweet Weesha how I wish I could come to where you are, wrap my arms around you and give you a big "fat" hug! Then I would look you right in the eyes and tell you "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" because you are! I pray one day you will truly believe that! Kiah

  • I am glad that you are confronting this reality and working on it.
    You are beautiful, and your beauty has no size.
    Much love always
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • Yara Hindawi

    <3 Thank you for this post. 

  • Kovacs Eszter25

    First of all thank you for sharing this with us. Second, you would have made an AMAZING bridesmaid. I get that you were not ready. My mother is something like your dad. She has been supeskinny all her life, I got my dad's bodytype. I also have two superskinny brothers, so you can imagine how bad it was being the only girl and the only fat one. I often thought, why didn't i got to be one of the skinny ones? It would have been easier for one of my brothers to be big. All my life my mum has been "feeding" my insecurities and i was in the middle of some crazy dieting for months when i found the first blog.(i think it was yff)
    Now that i am confident most of the time with my body my mum still can ruin all of it in a second. Last year  when i finally found the perfect graduation dress and i tried it on for my mum the first thing she said was: Your belly is wayyyyyyy to big for this dress. I am already terrified of buying a wedding dress some day but you know what? Yes, i love her but she is just too insecure about everything in her life and me being fat is only one of these. So when the time comes I am going to take all my supportive friends with us to buy the dress so that they can really help me and not just focus on my fatness. I tink our insecurities come from our parents' insecurities that they could never overcome. But it's already a great thing that we recognised this.:)

  • Sheila

    I'm 36 and I never had the courage to talk about that with my parents but I'm seeing a terapist now. I was never thin but I got fatter about 13, 14 and hearing my thin, ellegant father say all the time how fat I was never helped me. Later I realized that the this stupid kind of comment was something so usual on there he grew up – a very small village, full of ignorant people. Today I know that he's also concerned about my health, because my mom, fat, has lots of problems, with blood pressure, with her bones…

    It's hard to accept myself if I do not have the ones I love accepting me but I hope I can get that sometime.

  • This is a beautiful and brave post to share 🙂 You should feel super proud of yourself and where you are in life right now and the long road you've travelled to get there. I've had problems with my parents, not becasue of weight but other things that have kept me from doing things I love, and I had one of those epic moments with my mom about a year ago, and it brought us so much closer 🙂

  • First of all, let me tell you, I've always been jealous of how pretty
    you are. You are tall and beautiful and you have such an amazing hair
    and you always seem so confident. I am not sure how the rest of the
    world came to the conclusion that fat is ugly. Thanks to media, I guess. I am glad your mother now understands you and how you feel. I really hope your Dad comes around one day and is able to see what the rest of us are seeing: a beautiful confident smart woman, that his daughter is.
    It's difficult to deal with the constant pressure to lose weight, with hurtful remarks even from the closest people, with balancing on the edge of eating disorders just to pleasure everyone. I know how you feel (or felt). I think most of us "bigger" girls know that. Don't let it bring you down. It's not worth your tears. Your parents and friends, family, they love you, just maybe they are not sure how to tell you this.
    Take care 😉

  • Milana

    Weesha, when I look at you I seriously don't think about your weight. Your face is so undeniably beautiful that it's hard not to think you're one of the most beautiful people I have come across!

    I am so sorry to hear about the things you've had to hear because of your weight. 

  • Hi Weesha, I completely understand you… I go through this everytime I meet my family. And it's at least once a week. I feel you… 
    And I just wanted to say that you're so beautiful, just the way you are. Your blog is such an inspiration for me, It made me start to accept myself. One of the things I like on it (and you), it's the doubts and angst you have sometimes… That's what make you real. Because people (fat and skinny) have issues, and that's a good thing. That makes you move forward and always try to be a better person. 
    I'm still a couple levels behind you on the "self acceptance ladder" lol, but with your help and the others blogs as well, I'm getting there. 

    Another thing, even though you're so pretty, and you have great hair and legs (kinda envy that… lol), you're so much more than that! You're a smart, fun and amazing woman. And in the end, that's what matters most. I'm sure your parents would be devastated to have a skinny daughter with no character at all. 

    Well, sorry about the shenanigans… Just went rambling around. lol 

    Oh and the last thing. I think you would have rocked the bridesmaid look! But i get you, I had this same issue last year! And it wasn't even a strapless gown, we could choose whatever dress we wanted, but the thought of being the only fat bridesmaid was so stressful I almost quit. I'm glad I didn't though… 

    I'm glad and honoured that you shared that with us… 

    Take care! 🙂

  • Shanticka Buchanan

    Weesha, thank you so much for this post. First let me say that the pics of you and your parents are beautiful! 

    You have touched so many peoples lives by opening up and sharing your struggle & I'm sorry that you've had to endure so much pain. I too have visited family and been greeted with the ever so rude, "Girl, you've gotten BIG!". Years ago, I let it get to me. Now, (like you did with your uncle) I always have a snappy comeback. lol! 

    I even more proud that you are working on the relationship with your mother. Keep it going and I know that you will have the same progress with your father. Thanks again!

    http://ticka-spoonfullofsugar.blogspot.com/
    @tickaNascha 

  • I don't know you personally! But you are a beautiful person in side and out! I believe that!!!!

  • Rachel

    Dear Weesha
    I am your long time follower in Australia.  I just had to comment on this inspirational, beautifully expressed and corageous blog post of yours.  It is indeed the best and most inspirational piece of writing I have read in a very long time. I am so very grateful to you for posting it.  What you have highlighted in this post is the prejudice society has created and which translates to our parents expectations and acceptance of us.  This should be published as you have the power to change peoples prejudices. I commend you on a wonderful and beautifully illustrated post.  You are a very talented and beautiful person Weesha and have the talent to make a difference.  I wish you every happiness.  Kepp on posting and stay beautiful.  Thanks. Rxx

  • Thanks for having the courage to post this. When I was a child, I got a lot of stick from everyone about being fat – family, other kids at school, parents of my friends, etc. I reached breaking point with my mum when I was 15 about EVERYTHING she said to me. For example, she always used to ask me what I'd done at school each day and then be really horrible when I told her. We ended up in a massive row and she ripped my blouse as I was frantically trying to get away from her. I ended up screaming at her why did she even bother to ask me things when whatever I said she ridiculed. It turned out she felt insecure. I was going to a grammar school and she felt unintelligent and stupid in comparison, I guess. It was ridiculous (but you have to bear in mind my mum was very young when she had me) and we had this massive screaming row with tears and everything. From that moment on I made it clear in my actions that talking shit about me in any way wasn't acceptable. If at a family gathering people were talking crap about me, I'd get up and leave. Sometimes you just have to show people their words aren't acceptable, otherwise they carry on saying the same kind of crap they have always said and think it's OK. It's sad that we have to remind people to treat us with dignity and respect, but it's worth doing. Sometimes, when we demand respect, we get it. Hugs to you for posting this, a woman who takes no crap x

  • Tina

    Usually, I don't comment on posts, but I have to thank you for this post!

    It touched me – and made me thinking about how I feel about being fat instead of botteling my thoughts away.
    cheers! xoxo

  • A truly beautiful post Weesha – and I read EVERY word.  Blessings to you for all you are and all you do in spreading positive body love around the world.  Julie Parker

  • Sarah aka XXL

    May G-d bless you abundantly for sharing this with the world. I cannot even imagine the strength and courage you had to have to go through these kind of pressure on a daily basis. This piece made me realize how fortunate I am to have supportive friends and family and it also made me realize that self-esteem is not as easy that I would like to believe. Again thanks for sharing and remember girl you are wonderfully made!!!

    Sarah aka XXL
    QueenSizedFlava.com 

  • I think everything that you have mentioned in this article is something that many girls and women have struggled with and will continue to struggle with. I could only imagine that it had to be difficult coming from your parents, the people who are supposed to be there for you and support you no matter what. Beauty has no size and it comes in a variety of different shapes and sizes. You are FAB and you should be so proud of yourself for being able to stand up and say exactly how you felt. Keep doing what you are doing and what matters most is that you are happy with yourself and it will shine through to others. It took a lot of courage to share this and I commend you for doing so. ~Muah

  • Ria

    I've been in that same place way too many times. The place where you are just not good enough for the people that are everything to you. And you know what? Apparently making someone your everything is giving them the right for some reason to take all their insecurities on you. Not because they mean harm, or they don't love you, but because they might feel insecure of who they are and try to make others around them either insecure as well, or try to make them their definition of "better", so that they'll have better friends/kids etc. I've also been one of the unlucky enough to get what you mean, and kept on trying to reach their standards, because they love me and know what is best.

    And then one day it hit me, that they don't do anything to change for me. I don't point out the negatives or the things that are not "perfect" in them. And I don't ask them to because I freaking accept people for who they are, not for how much they'll raise my status. No matter how hard I try I've just been nothing but a trophy for some of them. And they try to make the trophy bigger and better -the irony…-, while trying to make me more like and more than the others. Depending on the case. I have to have more grades/politeness/kindness/money/friends/status than everyone, while I have to weight less.
     Well, no. Just no. If I'm not good enough, they're not good enough either. Unless someone is perfect they have no right in the world to judge others. No matter how it is for their own good. Everyone knows what's good for them, and they try to be it. So instead of people trying to change others for their own good, then why don't they try to change themselves? Too hard? No matter how hard it is it is not an excuse to take it out on others.
    Nowadays, when someone calls me fat, I say thank you. And give them a big smile. Because fat is a part of me. As is straight A student, kind to others, with great taste in music and many more things. So I take it as a compliment. People whose only pride in life is being a size 0 or XS, that's what they'll be remembered for. Being a ZERO or an EXTRA SMALL person. And there are lots of them out there. I (as I'm sure you too) want to be remembered for me.Don't let anyone get you down girl. You are gorgeous, amazing and many things that people that call you fat will never be. So them calling you fat means that you're something they'll never be because they can't,since they don't have have other things, that will make "fat" look awesome.Sorry for the big reply.
    x

  • I needed this post. Thank you Weesha.

    I was the fat bridesmaid in December, and it sucked. Big time. I had fun, but all that baggage that went along with it… ugh.

    Thanks for sharing this story. xx

  • I completely understand this.  My dad just said this to me the other day, "you are so photogenic, if only you would lose weight." I hate that.  People don't get that it's rude, regardless of your relationship to the person.  My cousins are all boys and they are from Singapore, so the pride themselves on being THIN, not just thin but like starving african child thin. During my last visit for my grandfathers funeral my cousin literally goes, "this is a very personal question, but do you get made fun of a lot for being fat?" and I just look at him like.. thee fuckkk.  

    I could have expressed my frustration with it but in the past it has only ended horribly so I just take it now and pass it off.  

    -Bianca at http://theinbetweengirls.wordpress.com/

  • Claire Hazoume

    I usually do not post. I would usually  just have a look on you being beautifull and stylish. And be happy.
    Plus I am having a hard time with English. Not always sure if what I write translate what I feel.
    I am the fat daughter. 3 kids & my mom is still  size 8. My bro's are tall and slim specimens.
     
    I am the fat daughter. Like daughter, like father. My mother loved my father so much but could not understand me being that fat. He was big, why the hell did I had to be fat. Ain't daughters supposed to look like mothers anyway ? Small tiny protectable graceful things.
     
    I am the fat daughter. My first diet was at the age of 8. At the age of 17 I was 100kg. 
     
    I am the fat daughter. I am now 72 kg for 172 cm. And I hate my body so much.
     
    I am the fat daughter.The past 10 years, the past 28 kg have been paved with a huge range of humiliations.
    Family & friends were never the last to bully.

    Today I hide my great obsession of my weight, deep deep deep.

    People know me as the cheerful, active, adventurous, funny, dancing, workaholic and… confident chick.
    No one can imagine how bad I feel about myself. And I don't want them to. My weak point, has been hidden  to them mockers. I pretend. Building my castle on heaps of sand. And your message releases floods of memories, bad ones, painful words, painful side glances. It also echoes in my present life, this my own private fat shadow, my plumpy shame. And now I cry too. Sand washed out from all sides.

    Thank you.

  • This post meant a lot to me. I completely, I mean COMPLETELY, understand what you went through and are still going through. I am the lone fat daughter in my family. In fact, I think I am the lone fat female on both my mom and dad side. lolol. My dad, mom, sis and bro are all slim. I will say, growing up was a bit uncomfortable always being the fat one. My parents never constantly harped on my weight but there will be little comments here and there. I was never teased or made fun of in school, so that was a plus. I was always the fat friend but my friends never made it a point to focus on that, so I am grateful. 

    Everything changed when I moved to Nigeria to finish up my high school. There, my eyes opened. Folks were constantly, and I mean constantly, calling me fat. Every. Single. Day. When an adult or a stranger meets me it's, "Why are you fat?" "Oh! You are fat?" "How did you become this fat?" Every. Single. Day. To come from the States when being fat was not really an issue to consistently being berated everyday for being fat took a toll on me. Even after all these years, it still lingers with me. I've tried to brush it off but it's forever with me. I mean, of late I've been coming out of my shell more. And having my blog certainly helps. But I am definitely not as social and lively as I once was before heading to Nigeria. Mind you, it's been more than 10 years since I've been back in the States. Craziness. It took me that long to slowly start loving myself again and appreciate what I'm 'carrying' right now.

    I hope your parents, especially your father, will finally understand what you've been going through. At least you've voiced your frustrations to your mother. It'll take time for her to stop pestering you about it. But she's trying and that's a step forward in the right direction.

    Don't give up. :o)

    p.s. Oh yeah, I'm also in the 'when I get really angry, I cry' camp. Man, I get so mad at myself for that. Because I usually have great arguing points but I can't seem to relay it a way that doesn't make me look like I'm insane due to the tears, runny nose and hiccups. *le sigh*

  • grownandcurvywoman

    You are such a beautiful person, inside & out. You are so brave to share such deeply personal things to us. We often talk about how the world views us but it's often the people we love that can cut us so deeply. I hope your relationship with your parents continues to grow & evolve. I hope they get to see the wonderful, brilliantly beautiful woman you've become.

    grownandcurvywoman.wordpress.com

  • lovelovefashion

    what an amazing powerful post! it amazes me that those who raise us, our nurturers are often so contributory to how we really feel about ourselves.  i think that when we realise those comments they make (clumsy, awkward and downright offensive!) they are communicated in a way they only know how and really ultimately it is their issue about how people should 'look', thank-God for your blog and thank-God this wonderful world of blogging exists, it is really a haven for me. i can relate to your story so much, i relate to the family occasions when a family member thinks its fine to comment on my body, when my body is open to scrutiny and comment, that its fine and acceptable for them because its clear i am not fine and acceptable to them. i have been shockingly thin (i was on the fast track to anorexia-ville), binged and purged (awful, just awful), and i just became fed up and exhausted with trying to be thin, then i decided enough was enough, i just wanted to eat without guilt or shame. and i do.  i do struggle that the only people who find my size distasteful are some of my family, but by surrounding myself with positive people and challenging negative comments, life gets easier.  good luck luanne, you are inspiring, i wish you happiness and joy x

  • Papumorgado

    What was hard for me to learn is that is not always confidence day and in a world that is constantly reminding us how "wrong" we are for being fat, is no wonder you feel fragile. 
    The thing is baby steps: we can't change the way people think, but we can set boundaries.
    We can accept challenges slowly and we have the right to feel insecure. But you had 2 amazing victories: going to the wedding and acctually having fun and having this heart to heart with your mom. 
    I'm sooo proud of you. Don't worry if you relapse. We are here for u; 🙂

  • Ccrosas

    Thank you for this post.  

    I've been silently following your blog for some time now.  I never post comments but I like it a lot.

    Even though your blog is a style blog I keep coming back because of you.
    Your style of dressing is not my style, hope it doesn't sound like Im criticizing it because I'm not, I think you look amazing.  But what I'm trying to say is that I keep coming back to the blog because of Weesha.

    I have been right were you are… I'm actually not out of the woods yet!
    But I try every day, I work hard to try to get to that place of self acceptance.  
    I've used many tools, therapy, reading, exercising, meditation, everything BUT an actual diet. (I refuse!)  And lately I use blogs like yours to boost my self esteem.

    Whenever you feel bad, think of me (think of all of us) miles and miles away, connected by the same search in life, just wanting to be free and happy.  We are in this together.

    Keep it up.  
     

  • Anna Silveira

    For ME you will always be a SUPER STAR 
    I must admit i am proud to know that u have come over alot unlike me still trying to START
    Keep Inspiring  

  • What an inspiring and admirable post LuAnne, love it! You are such a role-model. really!!
    *hugs* thank you for sharing your storie.
    I've made my own post, in honour of yours, sharing my experience.
    http://jasiferlionsclub.blogspot.com/2012/01/reply-being-fat-daugther.html

    Love
    Jen

  • Malene

    I am now officially a fan of you (and I now officially follow you with bloglovin')! Just stumbled across your blog after reading Jennifers respond to this post at http://jasiferlionsclub.blogspot.com/

    Thank you for writing this post! It is beautiful and so are you!

  • Thank you Weesha for telling 'my' story. It belongs to me and probably millions of females all over the world. I felt your pain. I want to say first that you are incredibly beautiful. I got teary eyed as I read this blog. My thin father looks down at fat women, sees them as weak and disgusting. It's no wonder that I used to be drawn to men that treat me like I'm their second choice. I've become wiser but not thinner. The healing process takes time. My self esteem is much better. I just want to be healthier and love what I see in the mirror from head to toe – instead of from the neck up. Lord Byron wrote:
    "She walks in beauty, like the night
    Of cloudless climes and starry skies
    And all that's best of dark and bright
    Meet in her aspect and her eyes".
    I dedicate this to you and to the millions who also walk in your shoes.

  • such a wonderful post, Luanne. you are a very inspiring figure for lots of girls in the world. we can't always feel 100% all the time, and it takes a lot of courage (and i think hope) to talk about the issues a lot of plus size bloggers and plus size women deal with. i had a different experience growing up. my parents never said anything about my weight.. neither did my family, friends and classmates, and i can recount the very few times where i heard an offhand comment about my weight (ironically never said to my face). BUT, that doesn't mean because those things happened that i'm ms. confidant. i'm not. we all have our insecurities.

    thanks for sharing this experience with us all!

    love,
    jill
    http://jillybeanstalk.blogspot.com

  • sabrina

    Such a beautiful entry. 

    I relate in the sense my parents are definitely aware of my weight struggles, and I have always been the fat child, and fat friend. But, I also have always been OK with it. Sure, I have my moments- when it just is inapropriate and I will not listen to remarks.. but, I know my dad would only say something bc he doesn't want me to be treated poorly by other based on my weight, or face health problems. Obviously, we all struggle with our own demons. 

    You are so raw and strikingly beautiful. 

    Thank you for sharing. 

    xx
    Sabrina
    http://www.samplesize16.com

  • Fabiola

    I totally know what you're talking about, I'm the fat everything (sister, daughter, friend, cousin…) my sister and cousins are pretty slim, the "biggest" one uses a size 4.
    I'm a size 14/16 pretty far from the regular sizes, and I'm trying to accept myself, but it's so damn difficult, I mean last week I was out with friends and they were all dancing and all I was thinking was "I need to go, no one wants to see the fat girl dance"
    I understand your situation with your dad, I had a similar experience, I was really depressed a year ago, I was trying to decide a college, and I had a fight with my best friend and now we weren't talking, and a bunch of other stuff that were bringing me down, I've never had a good relationship with my dad (my parents are divorced) but this time he came through, he tried to help me and be there for me, but he was like: "ok, let's resolve all of your issues, first: you need to loose weight" … like all the problems in the world would resolve if only I was thinner.
    Thanks for this post, I really needed something like this to keep me going 🙂

  • myrtle

    i really enjoy your blog; i'm so inspired by your outfits, your confidence, and your smile…i would NEVER had known that you had any feelings of insecurity at all!  keep being yourself. 

  • sabrina

    beautiful pics!!amazing blog!!!i'm following you!!

  • GFS

    I want to hug you and while I'm hugging you..I will be flicking people off behind your back! I love when a blogger I admire reveals their own insecurities. Because it makes me feel real and that we really aren't always happy go lucky even though we smile at the camera and look wistfully to the left for a perfect photo. I agree with you…I think people who make weight issues their personal campaign to "cure you" have deeper issues.

    You looked beautifuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllll and I want to five you for your "bald" comment to your uncle!

    Hugs and kisses! P.S…I mentioned yesterday with my husband. He might be going on a trip to Dubai in March and I was all like "oooh I can meet Weesha!" LOL

  • I feel you on the harassment from the family and friends. I dread going home for the very same reason. My mom always hassles me about my weight, but just like you mom, my mom is not in shape by any means. I am working on my weight for myself these days because I want to get healthier! I love my size no matter what people say, and you see that quote at the top of my blog. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. 

    Girl you look good, hell I wish I was your size, but I'm not. And its just that, we are made in the image that God created us each to be in. I say this, bump what the haters say, even if it is your parents because they just hating. 

  • Miss J

    Hello Weesha- greetings from sunny Manila:)

    I just want to say that you are one gorgeous girl and while it's true that we sometimes lose ourselves as we try to find our own identity- what matters most is what we truly feel deep inside us. I can relate to your story because sometimes no matter how much I say I don't care about my weight or people's perception, the fact is when we go out there, we can be fragile at times when dealing with people's comments.

    I'd say, all these feelings of being unaccepted by other people don't matter at all. Because at the end, when we truly love ourselves in our deepest core, everything else doesn't matter anymore. No one can love ourselves the way we do except ourselves. So I hope that next time you feel unwanted or "unloved", try to love yourself a little more. We need this self-loving once in a while.

    Ciao,
    Miss J

  • laura_laurapas

    wowww I recognize lot of things on your story…Continue to be yourself..and don't care about the others…
    If only every curve person could do it…(sorry for my english)
    thanx for this pretty blog…see u soon
    laura from France

  • Lizel Noronha

    OMG. only just read this and had tears streaming down. I can't say I fully understand.. but am half way there Lu. And I hate to remind you but you are freaking gorgeous. And your'e fierce. Love u, Liz

  • I'm happy for you, to have reached this point with your mom. At least you have her on your side now. I wish one day you can do the same with your dad. You are a beautiful and thoughtful woman. <3

  • Mariannebonilla

    i believe in you…..

  • Neilly Simeu

     Honey who told you being thin is the stantard? Bullshit! (excuse my language). It is the standard only in occident. Size is nothing because the true beauty is inside. I am from a country where being like you are is being Perfect, because it is considered as  a sign of wealthiness. And most of time-in my tribe- when you are thin, people always ask if you are sick? 
       A lot of people in my family always think that I am sick, and I am not a thin thin. I am ''normal" according to the occidental standard. You see, finally is a matter of  various and opposite opinons.
        Girl let me tell you; you are absolutely beautiful and that's true. You really are! I know how it feel to be different, but don't let the ohers knock you down (yeah I know sometimes it seems easy to say than to do). Anyway, the only thing you should know and consider is that you are Perfect on your way and most importanly in the  eyes of God, the Creator.
                So now you know; therefore be only you: the Beautiful Weesha, not the one defined by other people's comments, but the one who is beyond criticism, fearless!
       ATTITUDE my friend!

    http://www.auxcapricesdeflore.blogspot.com

  • Weesha, thank you for sharing this experience with us. I honestly teared up while reading it because I can relate on so many levels and also recognize the differences in our experiences. My mom has been supportive of my blogging and acceptance of my body from the beginning, but even she will admit that it's taking her longer to accept things because she has known a completely different way of thinking for so long. A few weeks ago she told me she liked her current body. It was the first time in my entire life that I've heard her say that, and I realized she was the only other female in my family (aunts and all) who has ever said something like that. It was a little miracle for me. I so feel the sadness with you and your dad's relationship. I think, like yours, my dad is ashamed of my body because it is so different than his. For as long as I can remember he has exercised every day and is into sports. I think there is some level of disappointment for him that I'm not what he expected, but I'm learning to separate what I want out of life from what he wants. I hope you keep having these breakthroughs and start feeling more comfortable with your loved ones. Bloggers aren't magically cured of all our insecurities or the pressures we face, but it's kind of wonderful that you let us be part of your journey and your healing.

  • Lynne Gerred

    God Bless you child, I, too am an only child and bigger than my parents had hoped for. I've gotten old enough to be very grateful that this body was healthy enough to produce four handsome sons. It's big enough for me to be able to take care of myself. My four sons are very different body shapes and I told them, there are Great Danes, Dachshunds, Bulldogs, Poodles – they are all diffent and they have purpose. So be proud of yourself no matter what size you are. God has a great plan for your life. 

  • Rose MyCurvyLife

    You made me cry…. I'm kind of like you. My mom and my older sister always comment on my weight and it's just so heartbreaking sometimes! I always feel like crying when  they talk to me, instead I walk out and go straight to my bedroom. I try to control my tears and not to let them fall. 
    I'm the type of girl who hide her feelings, I just can't talk about what I feel… I should but I can't.
    Anyway, I just discovered your blog and I absoluetely love it!

  • You are a gorgeous woman- inside AND out!  Parents, especially parents of an only child, come to view their child as an extension of themselves.  If they see what they think is a failure of their parenting skills, they are especially harsh with their child.  You need to remember that THEY have the problem- not you.  You deserve to be affirmed and loved and cherished for the wonderful Weesha that you are!  I think you are amazing!!!

  • Trudie

    I think you look absolutely STUNNING in that green dress. I totally understand where you are coming from – I had to be bridesmaid last year, and the struggle to find a dress that suited both me (size 18 UK) and the other bridesmaid (size 8 UK) was seriously depressing. I tried really hard not to focus on my size, but to focus on looking my best, and enjoying the day. It's blogs like this that are enabling me to do that. You are beautiful, and we are all fragile, so don't feel bad for that. Keep on going, gorgeous girl.

  • Monica Franklin

    This post was very brave.  You are in a learning process, but the day will come when your confidence is always genuine.

  • Verónica

    Hiiii! I just saw ur blog a few moments ago and i read your story 'cause me too, ive been the fat daughter. My brothers are tall and slim, my dad got weight over the year but he was thin. My mom had a nice figure too, just a bit of stomach from having 4 children. So, i am fat, i've huge boobs but, over time, i was strong enough to develop a personality that goes with my body. I heard my parents always saying i should loose weight, eat less, etc. the point is, until you're 13 or 14, you really aren't self conscious about your body. i remember being 64kg and my parents saying i was fat. i wished i was 64kg now, with 1.65m!! i'm 110kg now…well, i am looking forward to loose this weight, since its really not healthy and i hate having a tummy. but thats me and we should look the way we feel comfortable with. 
    well, it came to a point when i just had enough. i hated when my parents said "eat less and we will buy you pretty clothes". Well, the last time they said something like that i just told them very calmly "if you're ashamed of me, you dont have to walk next to me on the streets. just cross the street and pretend you dont see me." 
    I never let people put me down because of my looks. I have great friends, im respected and people like me for who i am. 
    In the end, the way you feel about yourself reflects on the way people see you. Once they see you dont give a damn about their opinions on you, they just let you go. 
    you're a beautifull woman!! I see you have a lot of followers, which means you touch every single one of them. Take what makes you feel happy and repulse what is hurtfull. If you accept yourself, that is the basic to be happy! Lots of love for you <3 

    Kisses from the Azores (Portuguese islands =)) 

  • Hello LuAnne! I loved this post so much, it was lovely to hear that other people go through problems like this. I have never struggled with my weight but as someone who didn't inherit my mom's light color or looks I have had to face a lot of insults about how I wasn't as beautiful as her, I didn't look like her kid or I would find it difficult to get a husband. It doesn't help much when my parents are constantly calling me names like black cat etc.
    I know how hard it is because you just decide that you really are beautiful & then you have your own parents reminding you about how they or society as a whole will always think you're one of the ugly ones.
    Again thank you for sharing this. I feel happy to have found this blog, also we're both Goans, yay! (Although I live in Bombay).
    You are very beautiful. Seriously. Lots of Love. <3

  • You look beautiful in that sari. Also, you totally do look like Kate Winslett.

  • What an amazing and heartfelt post. I really felt everything you wrote.  I felt it because i've lived it. It is so hard to live life in this beauty idealized world of size 0s anyway without your family putting you down or making remarks about it. I am totally there with you. My mom usually makes similar comments about my weight she used to anyway until i had a talk with her too, it didnt make her stop making comments it just made them less just like you said.  I have aunts and cousin who talk only about losing weight and who losth ow much and how fat that person is now and how much that person lost and they are always on some crazy diets.  This christmas while i was visiting i told them what I am all about and that I really dont care about their opions and that all bodies are fine and that i am fine the way i am.  The next day someone commented on how my figure is pretty "alright" now and they all said "oh yeas shes fine, shes always been fine, she looks great" so it really shut them up. sadly it didnt help them change their ways. but maybe a couple more visits would help them.  I told them about my blog too just like you and well we will see what happens.  I hope your mother and father see how it hurts you and thats they respect your decision to be happy and not tortured with so much stress about all that has happened and about your body image. 

    You are truly one of the most beautiful people I've met on here and I am alway in awe at every post you make.  Your clothes look wonderful on you and you have amazing style. You are just gorgeous all around. I Hope you get to feel it 100% one day.  I am adding you to my blog roll list by the way because You are so inspirational 🙂 

    xox
    A_Riot

  • Loraine Minchetti

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

  • Sonia

    Wow.  You are one incredibly brave woman.  What an amazing gift you have given us — to know that we're not alone, even at our darkest and saddest and scariest times.  A million times over — thank you.

  • Sncates

    Weesha,

    Thank you so much for this post! I too went through something like this last year. I actually posted about it on my blog. You can check it out at http://blckblondefatshion.blogspot.com/2011/03/theres-no-question-this-girls-10-dont.html.

     I am also the "cry when I get angry" kind of person. And I accept it. Sometimes I feel like it is the tears that make me angry with myself for being weak enough to cry. Which in turn makes me want to get my point across even more. So it ends up being better that way. There is nothing like the feeling when you fight for yourself. My mom always taught me "No one else can love you until YOU love you". And fighting for yourself is a way to show yourself that you love you. So keep fighting. You're worth it!! 🙂

    Shaniqua

  • Love your blog and although this post was written a long time ago, my reply applies just as well a year later.

    I just thought I'd drop a longish note to tell you that it GETS BETTER as you get older 🙂 as a bit of a hopeful sign for you. .

    When you get older, you realize that food is something that gives you energy and health, SO you start to eat not just for taste but for your health and so the choices that are made regarding food make you feel like you are doing the 'right thing', so to speak, even though you may not even be close to fitting into that "perfect size", or that you are considered "fat" by most people.

    Another cool thing that happens is that you seriously stop caring about what other people think. I PROMISE you that will happen. I know your mom is technically "older" and it doesn't seem like it's something she doesn't 'care' about but trust me when I tell you it just doesn't bother her as much as it did when she was younger. She mostly goes on about to you because she remembers how tough it was for her as a younger person and she is hoping that you won't have the same struggles.

    Now, here's some advice about the whole mom things because I too had a mother who bugged me about my fat, gave me girdles to wear (which I threw out in the trash eventually) and consciously or subconsciously added to my already poor self-esteem…Here goes:

    Ask her: "Mom, do you think I don't know I am fat?" To which she will answer no (if she is half way sane).

    Then Tell her the honest truth: "Mom, when you mention my weight that hurts me. It makes me feel worse. Your words make me want to stuff my feelings with food because when I feel bad, food sometimes makes me feel better (it actually can physiologically improve your mood so it's no wonder it can make you feel better–temporarily, of course), so you think you are helping but you are not."

    Tell her, in a somewhat nice way: "Mom, every time you bring up my weight, I'm going to have to hang up the phone, or stop our visits short because I need to protect myself from this negativity that only brings me down." To which she will say something like-"I am only doing it for your own good." And to which you will respond. "I'm an adult, Mom, and you have to have respect that I will make my own decisions, even if it is not something you would do, or something you would like for me."

    And you end with: "I love you, Mom, just the way you are, and I know this won't be easy for you to do so I'll have to set some good boundaries until you are used to the idea that I expect you to respect my feelings so that I can build up my self-esteem and feel stronger and accept myself as I am."

  • Hi Weesha,

    I followed your blog from 'pretty in the desert' randomly looking at beauty posts and when I finally found this post it felt like looking in a mirror…I've been there, I've been 'the chubby one'…I wasn't always chubby for most of my adult life I was quite normal looking, never slim but I was healthy and happy about it. Then I started to put on weight, it was slow, dead slow- a coupla pounds leftover from a vacation that never really went away, jeans that 'shrunk in the wash', a million other excuses. I didn't understand it, I didn't do anything different and yet the weight never came off. I took up kickboxing and that was when I discovered how strong my body was, how flexible and I loved it! I lost a lot of weight then but never went back to how I used to look but I felt great! I had muscles on my chubby arms! Took on a high pressure job with crazy hours and kickboxing fell by the wayside and with it, I packed on the pounds again. Two years ago we finally discovered why when I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition. Since then my weight hasn't gone up but I've to rigidly watch what I eat to keep at the weight I am. Right now I'm the heaviest I've ever been, it didn't help that I got into an emotionally abusive relationship where the guy kept belittling the way I look. I discovered youtube and make up tutorials and for the first time in a long time I told myself, "F^*# it! THIS, this is who you are now. There's no point looking back and wishing and hoping that you'd go back to how you used to look! Work with what you have NOW!"

    And that's when I started- started watching what I put into my body, learning what to put on my face and now I'm just starting to dress for my body. I have no idea how to do that, fashion and coordinating clothes and accessories et all have never been my strong point but I'm learning. Maybe some day I'll look as confident in my clothes and my body as you seem to be! Until then…

    Hola from an Indian girl who grew up in Bahrain and lives in Melbourne!

  • Roanna Fernandes

    Oh wow, LuAnne, I just came across this post. You see, I've only just begun to faithfully follow your blog, and I was hooked on to every little word you wrote here because in some of the instances where you made it seem light, I started feeling bad because I do know how it feels. And I know how you must have felt to even write it all down. I really do love your blog, and what you wear and what you share on such a regular basis with us, the world! And you are so, so, so pretty. It hurts so much when people we love the most and look up to hurt us without knowing they have, and I understand, it is so weird with parents sometimes, they really don't understand much of the crazy, inner turmoils in our heads. Self-hate, because everyone says so much shit about your appearance, can really depress you. And I hate it when people tell me I need to lose weight, or how I need to have a pack of ferocious dogs run behind me every morning so I run my fat off, and all that kind of nonsense! Maybe I am overweight but it is mostly by choice. I don't care much now but I did, a lot, then. Do they not know how much it hurts? But I've had my own silly and silent struggles with shyness that came from the whole fact that I wasn't as pretty or nice-looking as other girls because of my body, making the introverted aura around me grow into a bad thing, and I let it consume me and harm my mental image of who I thought I was. I really didn't even think much of me when I was like this. I still am the same way, in some ways, but now, like you said I've grown up a bit, done away with friends and folks who don't help me in my struggle or seem to think of it as a joke or I don't know. I've learnt to love myself the way I am, and I know I really like certain things about me. I'm still lacking in the confidence department but it will change. Sorry, I feel like I made this all about me somehow. I just know how much it hurt you LuAnne but I'm so glad you didn't let it bog you down. And why should you? I don't know you but I think you're up there on my girl crush list! You're so beautiful and smart, and I think it would be so awesome to meet you, if at all. I hope this wasn't crazy to read! Bear hugs coming your way.

  • Nicola

    Thankyou so much for being so honest with us. I read your post and wanted to cry. Hon- you are absolutely gorgeous- a stunning woman. It is easy to be hammered into the ground by others thoughts and feelings. I despise the way society always frowns on us size 12+. I find myself joining in with women and making excuses for being a size 20- 'im on a diet' 'i do exercise'. Actually I don't care anymore. Thankyou for your inspiring posts and pictures- they are absolutely wonderful- as you are too x

  • I see that this is an older post, but I missed it the first go-around. Thanks for sharing it again. It made me tear up. My experience isn't exactly the same, but I definitely understand how parental criticism, so often said out of love, can be so cutting to your self-esteem.

    Very honest and raw – we need more people to share these stories so truthfully.

    Cassie
    http://stylecassentials.blogspot.com

  • Shweta Wahi

    Thank you for sharing this Weesha 🙂 It really hit home for me on many levels. You're truly an inspiration, please continue to be your amazing self! xx

  • lynaya

    This long post was SO worth the time it took to read.

  • Mandi_b

    People are scared of not being accepted LuAnne. That is why they constantly comment to us about our weight. I accept you. I think you are simply beautiful. Please carry on being who you are, you are inspirational x

  • carla jeffers

    Lovely Lu Ann, I have just read my first bit of your blog and another first for me , I am responding. Guess its been 1 1/2 years since you wrote this . As you are young , I'm sure much has taken place in your life since then. But much probably remains the same. I am in my late fifties and have three children. One is heavy , as I now find myself to be. I too find myself bringing her weight up often. You have excellent insight into both of your parent's "reasons" for this constantly being an obsessive point of their conversations. Dad uses it to make himself feel better and Mom worries about your health and knows from experience its not emotionally easy either. Because you don't look very large it may be hard for bigger people to "feel your pain". But I do. I know that the worst pain comes from the hurts inflicted by those we need to love us best. As children we tend to think our parents are very powerful and can do whatever they want. Now you are learning that even they are just humans. Please try to forgive their limitations, as I'm sure they truly do love you deeply. I was really moved by your writing and hope you are well and happy. Namaste

  • farhanrehman

    Why do fat people need to justify their unhealthy lifestyle? Unless you have a medical condition, you CAN do something about your weight. People say you "inspire" them. I don't think you're much of an inspiration if you don't care enough about yourself to go out and become healthy. Chances are that you're just fat because of your environment, your lifestyle, and your habits. You emulate your mother's behavior and are, therefore, your mother.

    People will hate me for stating the above. But, I'm assuming here, most of them are people who have never visited a gym in their lives. Yes, it is hard. Nothing in life worth achieving is easy. I have friends who were 110 – 120 kilograms, and about 5"9' – 5"10'. However, they cared enough about themselves to go out and lose weight. One of them has been working out for 8 years now, and has a build to envy. The other one recently lost 12 kilos, and counting, in 2 months.

    If you want something, there is no one who can stop you from attaining it. Excuses can be made by everyone. However, to be an inspiration you must have something to inspire with.

    I understand that you've had a hard life. But, running from the truth won't make you stronger. Everyone has issues. I have crazy social anxiety issues. The more I ran from them, the worse they became. If you embrace your faults/weaknesses, only then can you better yourself.

  • S

    Loved your post! Can definitely relate!

  • Maya

    I think I’m in the same boat. I’ve heard everything from “you look like you’re pregnant” to “maybe just kill yourself”. Family members usually think they can say anything because they’re “the only ones who care enough to”. The thing is , you don’t need negative comments, they’re as useless as someone farting on you and not much different really.
    I came here feeling a little low on self-esteem, but after reading your blog I feel pity for all the idiots that ruin their relationships with people they love by hurting them unknowingly and knowingly. I love what you said to your uncle, I feel sorry for your dad that he is so vain, and I feel much support for you. Don’t purge, don’t hurt yourself…learn to be happy with who you are and maybe make friends who care about more than looks.

    • Cynths

      wonderful comment, thanks Maya.

    • you’re amazing, I love love love your comment!

  • mai mai

    I feel the same way and have been in the same boat

  • mai mai

    When i was younger 8-9 my aunt would always ask me if i was pregnant. What kind of crap is that… i am now 15 and i still get told im to big or im too much of this or i need to eat less. And no one realises how much that hurts … so to know theres still might be hope and that there’s a plus size blog (finally!!!!) ..i feel powered to keep going on (: so thankyou so much. You are very inspiring

    • i just don’t understand how people think it’s ok to say that to a little kid? You sound like a pretty feisty person to be honest, I think you’re going to be ok and will most likely learn to shut people up when they attempt to hurt you with their rudeness. it’s your body and your life, it’s none of their business how much you eat or weigh!

  • Hope

    Crying over this, Weesha! We’re in the same shoes. I feel deeply hurt whenever my family points out about me being big. I wish I had your courage. Having insecurity kills me. And because of this weight thing, I’m losing a man I love the most. Things aren’t meant to be, I guess. God bless you! xx

    • Cynths

      Oh that’s so sad to hear about your man. Fight for him, if its not too late.

    • 🙁 I’m so sorry to hear that, and I hope you feel better soon. On the brighter side, heartbreak and sadness make us stronger human beings and i hope you find away to love yourself more with your new strength. Please don’t let the world get you down, the only thing that matters is that you’re a good human being, the rest of the superficial crap is so trivial in comparison. Stay strong <3

  • sp16

    Hi weesha!
    I’m guessin u’re Goan (jus a guess from seein the pics) I’m a Goan myself.. While reading this whole post I couldn’t help but recollect the exact moments that I’ve had with my parents and friends all while rolling tears down my cheeks..
    I m a broad shouldered girl, which is an added misery to my already heavy body (thanks to my dad’s genes).. But here’s what’s worse; my friends dress up all sexy and hot when we’re goin to a club or the beach and when we do go out, I can’t help but be invisible bcoz everyone is jus busy complimentin them, so I be like “I’ll jus go get a drink”
    Ok u know what, that wasn’t the worst..
    Worst is that my boyfriend keeps tellin me to lose weight, even my best friend tells me constantly to lose weight bcoz “I LOOK LIKE A BOXER” so I have nobody at all to pour my heart to about how hurt I am bcoz they expect me to be strong..Bs!!
    I jus spend sleepless nights cryin n readin blogs such as yours..
    I keep it all bottled up jus like u did and vent it out in the form of tears..
    So I thought I would make myslef light by sharing it anonymously with someone who has gone through the same..
    And sorry for the long comment.. 😀

    • Yep, definitely a Goan too 🙂 i know what you mean by invisible, and you know what- if you let that get the best of you now, growing older is going to suck! You’re going to feel heaps better if you think “fuck everyone else, I’m going to have fun” because the older we grow, the more invisible we become and that’s honestly ok. I’d hate to think that being noticed or accepted would motivate any of my life choices, especially my fashion (lol) because that would mean only wearing black and constantly starving myself…
      Also, no offense, but your boyfriend should love you just the way you are. You deserve way better! I hope you choose to surround yourself with more positive people in your life, because it honestly sounds like the people in your life are the problem, NOT YOU.

      • sp16

        And I’m proud to tell you that I did some serious cleaning in my life and that has taken a butt load off my heart and mind.. Thank you so much.. x

  • Cynths

    What a wonderful post. You’re very beautiful Weesha.

  • Aline Ch.

    I know it’s been 2 years since you posted this, but I always come back and read it every once in a while. Great post that comes from the heart that manages to cheer me up 🙂

  • Dona Smith

    i am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is mrs. Dona Smith from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in December this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. ADAGBA.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com Great ADAGBAi thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr ADAGBA.. he is so much powerful..\ email him for any difficulties.. adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com

  • M_P_E_T

    I feel like I’m at this point in my life right now people are getting married and they want me to be in the wedding cuz I’m part of their life. Just a few weeks ago I decided I wanted to truly work out cuz I’m 10lbs more then I want to be after vacation and a lot of emotional stuff. When my mom came back from Africa she surprised me and told me her cousin wanted me to be in her wedding she laughed it off of course and i wasn’t too sure about it because really I hate heels but then I was like she’s family I can stick it out my mom starts supporting me that’s great. Few days later I have a another aunt call she goes I can’t be a bridesmaid cuz I’m too hot I’ll steal the show!! Which I don’t mind trust when I say but I’m like that’s okay I’m on my way to losing weight so all eyes will be on the bride. Apparently being big is a good thing at an African wedding. Just this morning the bride calls and says I need some measurement…. as if I want to start my day like this. I get up my mom measures me and goes yup she’s too big 56″ oh you need to go on a slimming course. Right to my aunt on the phone. Usually I don’t care if its just us and she says something because I can say something witty back but I can’t insult my mom in the morning to in front of her cousin. Anyway my aunt said she can’t get a dress for me and i’ll have to sit instead of stand. So now I’m here. In my room feeling upset at her and she gets to go on her get day while I feel down and even better its the 4 the of July so what do I eat or not today? I don’t get it why do moms have to be harsh on their daughters about body image? Shouldn’t they be the ones that shield us from from what people think how we should be? I’ve already told my whole family not to comment on my weight for any reason but to say maybe that out fit doesnt work with you. Or just give suggestions on what I’m doing to do it better and that we can do together. And we made a pact that we won’t talk about each others weight but ever since my brother slimmed down my mom has gained all the burden of her weight has been put on me! What am I suppose to do with that? Do I keep pressing on her not to talk about my weight everyday she does? Cuz its everyday! Trust when I say it get old! I’m23 I’m tried of this shit! How do I get her to stop completely or at least stop putting her worries about her body on me! Because to be honest everyone in our extended family thinks I’m okay it just her and it hurts! It hurts that she doesn’t get that its hurting me!

  • kayci

    Look girl I have the same background as you but I’m worse I’m 19 pounds over weight if your mom has weight problems and

  • Regina

    You are absolutely stunning. Thank you for posting this… I’m actually the mom, looking for validation on how I’m raising my overweight 8-year old son. And by overweight, I don’t mean 5lb over. I sometimes doubt myself, and literally it is on my mind so often– am I doing it all wrong? Am I ruining his life? (but what could I do differently?) I love him so much and just want to make life easy on him! But his body is determined to hang on to the extra pounds. He is such an active, happy boy. He does enjoy eating, but nothing crazy. He loves running around, playing with other kids. I tell my husband, he is a survivor, and if a famine hits, all the skinny little kids are toast! But seriously, I want him to feel safe and 100% secure in our love and whole-hearted acceptance of him just as he is. He may slim out some as he grows, or he may not. He may be overweight all his life. I don’t want his life to revolve around dieting or changing his size. I worry that he’ll grow up and hate me for not putting him on a diet (“didn’t you care that I was fat?”). Sometimes, I think as parents we are doomed to screw up somehow, but I really hope that by providing the love and support you talk about wanting from your own parents, that we can make a difference in how he sees himself, and how he lives his life in confidence.

  • Sarah

    I was searching at the google search engine “Why do parents hate their overweight children?” I saw your blog and started reading your post.It made me teared a little because i am also in your situation.Worst thing still,i am only a 17 year old girl.My mum has been constantly asking me to lose weight and asking me questions like “Don’t you want to be like other girls?Pretty?Slim?” It kind of hurt me because i can sense that she is really embarrass to have a fat and overweight daughter.I was so hurt that i am always stuck in my room alone.I feel sometimes that i do not deserve to stay in this world.That is where suicidal thoughts would come around.I really don’t know what to do.Can you help me?

    • Hi Sarah, I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. Please know that suicide is never the answer, why lose your life over something as trivial as being fat? Or why lose your future just because of what other people think? You need to talk to your mom and tell her how you feel about her constantly pressuring you to gain weight. She doesn’t treat you this way out of embarrassment but out of concern because she just wants an easier life for you, she doesn’t know you can be smart, beautiful and a caring human being no matter what your size is. That’s just the old way of thinking and you can fight that narrow minded thought. You can email me anytime but please know that you need to talk to someone instead of keeping it in. Talk, be honest, and please know suicide is never the answer.

      • X

        Hi Weesha. I googled ‘my mom hates me because I’m fat’ and I got to your blog. I can relate to your story and yeah what you wrote made me cry, anyways I’ve been crying a lot lately because of the situation that I’m in. I am in the 20-25 age group and I have extra pounds. I was chubby in my teens and I have gained more weight now. I honestly don’t like the way I look, I often feel bad when clothes that I like don’t look good on me, I don’t look good in pictures and stuff…. but I have learnt to accept myself because as you said, I’m more than being just fat, because I tend to give a lot to people without ever expecting and getting things in return. My mom does not seem to see this side of me. She had always been telling me that I should lose my extra pounds and I did start to “diet”. At first I was skipping meals, tried eating only salads, then only fruits but obviously that didn’t work and I stopped. Then I noticed that I was starting to have some health problems. Health tests actually revealed that I have a problem of insulin resistance and high triglyceride levels and it’s all related to my weight problem. And btw I forgot to mention that my fattest part of my body is mainly my belly and people don’t see me as fat because of my height, they just tell me that I should just lose a bit of that tummy. I was really worried about my health and I joined a weight loss program and I did lose 4kg by healthy eating and exercise(that was 2 months ago). Then, because I was skipping exercise sometimes my parents made me quit that program because I was too slow on losing weight, but I was still eating healthy until my mom got fed up of me and now she no longer cooks my meals. I’m really busy with my studies so I have to rely on her for the cooking. Now she ignores me completely and we get into arguments a lot, because I don’t exercise everyday. I know that she is really concerned about my health and I guess that’s the reason for her behaviour. But the thing is that I got so attached to her lately that I can’t take this anymore. She does not see that she is crushing me inside. And every time I try to talk to her, it ends up into an argument. I accept my mistakes but the thing that is hurting me more is that I feel like I don’t have my parents’ support anymore as my dad also shouts at me. I’m really hurt because I guess I was sure that my parents would be by my side no matter what. I really love them but I guess I’m worth nothing (that’s how my mom makes me feel like unfortunately). I would not have felt so bad if somebody else had done this to me but I’m hurting so much because they are my parents and I love them more than anything. And I can relate to Sarah as when I’m down, sometimes I think that I died right now, I would not regret it because I’m worthless. I’m really at a point where I don’t know what to do and I feel alone because I’m not comfortable to talk about this weight issue to anyone because it makes me feel ashamed of myself. Even if I happen to get slim one day, I know my mom will be nice to me but all the love and affection will be fake to me because I’ll never be able to forget what I’m going through right now. The only thing that will poke me is that she was not by my side during my hard times when I needed her the most. Just wanted to share this…

        • I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way right now. To be very honest, I think you need to convey what you’ve said to me to your mom. I find that whenever it is hard to talk to someone without getting into a fight, writing usually helps. I write them an email or letter to explain my thoughts clearly and they have more time to understand. Also, the lack of face to face contact helps prevent either side from getting over defensive. i think your mom being so upset has more to do with something bothering her, she might be going through something herself? Either way, even though it doesn’t always seem like it, your parents, especially your mom, will always love you. We forget they are flawed humans just like us. You gotta talk these things out though, you have to put in the work if you want to improve your relationship with her. As for getting healthy, why not use it as a mother-daughter activity? Tell her how much easier and enjoyable your health journey would be if you had company!
          I used to find talking to my parents extremely difficult when I was younger, I kept a lot of secrets and while it’s better now that I’m older, I know how sad and frustrating it can feel to have the people you love the most hurt you so much. I’m sure if your mom knows how much you’re hurting, she’ll come around and talk to you, and you can get back to focusing on your health together.

  • Stranger

    Wow, I am in absolute tears reading this Weesha! I too am an only child, thankfully raised by parents and family that love me for me; but still remain crippled by anxiety when it comes to these family affairs, figuring out my next bluff so people believe I feel like I fit in. Every male I have shown interest in has found some other lame excuse to avoid the (literal) elephant in the room and I won’t lie and say it’s not had any impact on my self-esteem. Well-meaning friends and family remind me that it’s about my heart, my personality, my abilities, my medical degree – secretly I hate hearing that; if anything, it validates the fact that there IS something wrong with the way I look. I’m a size 20, surely that’s acceptable-ish. It’s almost like a disappointment for the people around me that this is one domain in my life I seem to have failed terribly in; how can you be smart funny successful and YET BE SO FAT?!? SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE.

    As my age creeps closer to my Asian Marriageability Expiry Date, I hear the whispers and subtle suggestions that the 6 week kickboxing class I took simply because I had so much fun Is Doing Wonders For My Flabby Tummy, I am the receiving end of the almost passive aggressive: I Want You To Change For You, I Will Push You And Help You. Recently I’ve decided that I don’t have time for this marriage BS – if my size and weight are such insurmountable barriers for a man to genuinely get to know me then tough, I have better things to do with my life. Like discovering and pursuing the reason I was put on this planet.

    I identify tremendously when you say you’d probably never reach the level of self-acceptance and self-confidence you’d like to – the challenge for myself here and now is to be okay with that. And to stop judging my worth by the number of Rishtas that come through the door.

    You probably didnt want to hear all this – it is after all, your blog detailing your journey; but I draw strength from yours and your readers’ honesty and sincerity. I feel this space is safe to speak honestly in, and is the catharsis I need at this juncture in my life.

    Thank you for being an inspiration and keep being the beautiful person you are x

  • Meg

    This resonated so much with me. I don’t see much of my father (only a few times a year), but I absolutely dread it when it know I’ve gained weight as he always comments on it. A few years ago I was maid-of-honour at my brother’ and sister-in-law’s wedding; I was already conscious of wearing the bridesmaid dress and my dad made it so much worse by asking if I ‘wasn’t worried about the photos’ and how they’d ‘be in people’s photo-albums and on show for years to come’. It’s awful to feel that way. I’m 2 stone overweight and have lost the weight before, but I just seem to gain it again. I’m seeing my dad this week and I’m bigger than last time I saw him and it just makes my heart sink to know what he’ll be thinking. Anyway, great post, you look so lovely in the green dress!

  • Vicky

    This was amazing. I can relate so much to you and your story. it’s hard being the only one in the family who’s on the heavier side but it feels so good to know that I’m not alone in this Situation. Just yesterday I had a fight with my mom over my weight and it really broke my heart to see that my own mother doesn’t understand me. Thank you so much weesha, you really brightened my day 🙂

  • Anonymous

    You are beautiful! Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I really related to this article and I completely understand the the struggle. I’ve been asked if I’m pregnant before because my jelly belly protrudes so far over my waistline. But you know what, that’s okay; my worth isn’t defined by how I look. It’s do important to deal this!

  • julsberg1723

    Hi. Well I think you look beautiful. Let’s face it, we are all different, but being called fat is so hurtful. Like a knife hitting you right at your core. I am 51 and my father has been dropping hints and making comments since I was in high school. I am 4’11” and when I weighed 115lbs he said I needed to watch it. He once said to me that he was glad I lost weight because I looked human again. More recently he asked me if I fit in the seats in the airplane. I have kept the pain bottled up inside for all these years and finally had words with him about this. He actually said he thought his question about the airplane was a legitimate question and I haven’t answered him.
    I always admired my dad so, and thought he walked on water. When someone you look up to hurts you like this, the pain stings so much more and it makes you feel worthless. These feelings of worthlessness affect your entire life. You choose the wrong spouse, you never quite make it to the top in your career because you have feelings of not deserving it. You can experience depression and your sense of joy escapes you because after all, you just aren’t as valuable as the beautiful people. And of course, my two sisters are taller, thin, and beautiful.
    After finally revealing my feelings to my dad, and literally sobbing, I got no sense from him that he was sorry. And now my feelings toward him are so conflicted. I am sickened by his cruelty and don’t know how to proceed with a relationship with him. I am searching for a way to resolve my feelings and hope to do so before I see him again over the summer.

  • akansha

    hey i thanks for such a great share. you look pretty even I’m fat and i have not felt anything in years I’m 22 and today my volcano kinda blasted. i am quite okay with my body i have accepted it and i had tried to lose weight but nothing has actually worked. i dont know how to shut everyone i m just sick and tired of hearing , i wouldn’t have mind if they were just people but family and friends all closed ones . my father commented ” just look yourself in the mirror even you would be afraid to see yourself” and every word is just killing me.

  • Hope

    Hi.

    I stumbled upon this article, when I was really depressed after my parents had JUST called me fat and disgusting. I was a skinny teen and since I had opted to a challenging grad degree , it resulted in a lot of cramming and sitting on my bum. ;( Needless to say, I gained roughly 40 pounds, and my parents are so ashamed of me. “You used to be beautiful ! Look at her now ! Your mother looks like your daughter! ” It makes me sick. I love food and when things like this were announced during meals, I wanted to kill myself. I couldnt talk to people about it. I have a skin condition that is incurable. My parents harp about that as well. According to them, I must be presentable so that some poor bloke would marry me. How . Insulting. An educated woman reduced to merely a prize cow. Im really happy that I read your blog. Esp the comments. I am not alone after all. 😉