Blog, Body Image

Fat Dialogue [In Love] by Danielle

June 23, 2011

Immediately after taking our shoes off in the doorway, Gerry’s hand softly grabbed onto my roll of stomach fat that hangs over my jeans. I guess you can call it a muffin top if you’re trying to be cute. Rather than clenching my stomach and turning away, I stepped into it.

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I like when you touch my fat parts.
Good, because I like touching them.
I like touching yours, too.

Despite the elementary language and the inherit triviality, it was a moment that stuck with me. Sometimes I question what I want this blog to be— is it outfit posts, my life, my love? Yes, yes, and yes. But I also want to make my small contribution to the community in normalizing fat bodies in love.
I spent so many years questioning what worth my body would have to anyone else. This insecurity was  most strongly present throughout middle and high school (I really identify with the part in The Fat Body (In)visible where Jessica talks about being a class clown because she wasn’t allowed to be an object of desire). Because of years of insecurity, I found it hard to accept my body once it did become desirable to some. I remember being terrified to take my shirt off with the lights on in front of a man; not because I didn’t want him to see my breasts, but because I did not want him to see my stretch marks. I contribute these feelings both to the newness of the situation, but also to the emotionally-vapid interactions I was having. For awhile I was convinced I would never have an intellectual, emotional and sexual relationship with the same man. But I do now.
I met Gerry at a time when I had been feeling awesome about my body for about 4 months, and I have been feeling awesome about it ever since. I feel like there is this widely held notion that fat people “deal with”, “settle” or love each other “in spite of” each other’s bodies. On the other side of the coin, there are those who think fat must be associated with fetish. It’s bullshit.
I love and appreciate my partner’s thick, meaty thighs, his big hands and his hairy, big belly. I won’t speak on his behalf other than to say he gives me endless praise about the feel and shape of my body. We never make love with the lights off. We are extremely attracted to each other; clothes on or off. We do not spend time discussing ways to make our bodies smaller, although we do sometimes discuss ways we could make them healthier. Our fat dialogue involves appreciation for the bodies that carry the people we love.
To see more fat bodies in love, visit: The Museum of Fat Love

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I think what I love most about this post is that a) we can relate to it and b) it’s the kind of relationship we can aspire to as opposed to feeling lucky to get a guy who loves us even though we’re fat. I read this and I want her relationship, it made me think about how I used devalue myself because I was fat. We all think about who the hotter one is in the relationship, at least I do and honestly, there are times where I felt I wasn’t worthy of a relationship or even thought “how on earth would he love me with all my scars, stretch marks and fat?”. But reading this just validates the fact that a true relationship, true love is beyond that. Anything less would just not be good enough.

Thank you so much Danielle 🙂

So what do you guys think? Did you have a light bulb moment reading this (like me) or are you already blessed to have something this beautiful?

Hugs, hugs and more hugs!
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Comments

comments

  • I never experienced something like this, and it makes me happy but also sad at the same time, when I read something that beautiful. Even if I learned so much about me and my body, I am still convinced that no guy will ever be attracted to me, and I feel so insecure when it comes to boys… 

  • I think you're wrong. I think guys have insecurities too and we usually forget that because we're so wrapped up in ours. And although they're rare, there are men who care about the beautiful person and personality.We're always harder on ourselves than anyone else, I mean I think you're beautiful so why wouldn't anyone else think so too? Part of it is just putting ourselves out there too even if we might get hurt. It will happen, and this post is proof, I promise <3

  • JazmineKariss

    This was beautifully written 🙂
    -Jaz
    http://www.fluffyfashioncents.blogspot.com

  • Wow this is so utterly sweet. And I have to confess I always think about that someone that he might love me in spite of how unattractive and fat I am and not the other way around. But come to think there have to be at least that one guy who will love me just the way I am and not just some part of me.
    A really great guest post 🙂 Ah, true love 🙂

  • Such a beautiful post! I hope to find true love like this someday. 🙂

  • I can definitely relate to those insecurities, but attraction is built upon so many things, and there really are plenty of people who are attracted to larger women. Ultimately though, I do think that the corny "love yourself first" advice is true. It's much easier to believe "lines" like, "You're beautiful" when you can look in the mirror and think it about yourself. I appreciate my body, and at this point, can't imagine being with a man who didn't have similar appreciation. And not to go too far into the gutter here, but I also think body confidence is cemented once one becomes more in tune with one's own sexuality. Once you view yourself in a positive sexual way (which can definitely be achieved solo), it's easier to feel more confident. 

  • i love it! they're so cute, the love and adoration is oozing through this photo. i'm envious.

  • I love so much what she says at the end of the post! This notion that we would be lucky to be loved despite of our fat is so messed up, and deep-seated, and I love that she proves with her lived experience that it doesn't have to be like that at all.

  • this was soo beautiful, i felt like i just got to the end of an amzing love story. i understand that feeling of clenching your stomach and turning away when your patner touchs your stomach. i only stopped doing that when i met my fiance. funny thing is he's so skinny. lol. but i love this.

  • Wow! What a nice surprise to stumble upon that posting. Thank you for sharing it on your blog, Weesha. 🙂
    I think it is what every Woman longs for, both slender and full figured, to simply be accepted just as we are NOW. 
    Cheers!

  • Roseglen

    I love love did I say Love the roll around my partner waist. Who cares if it small or big, its the person, Love sees beyond any imperfections..

  • i like to think love embraces imperfections. =)

  • PlusSizeMa2

    very nice.! I like reading it.. !

    http://plus-sizesclothing.com

  • This is so beautiful and absolutely true in every way. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and I have felt nothing but beautiful and confident with him… he is everything I could ever ask for. He's my best friend, confidant, support system, and he loves every bit of my (currently) size 20 body. And the funny thing is that when I was with my ex, I was the smallest I have ever been as an adult (13 in Juniors) and I was so ashamed of my body because of harshly he criticized me and constantly called me fat or would tell me that I was "not allowed" to have dinner because I "getting fatter." I just want ladies to know that they don't have to tolerate that kind of emotional abuse just to be in a relationship and that there really are wonderful, caring men out there that will love every bit of them, inside and out. <3