Blog, Diary, OOTD

This must be what Prozac feels like

July 16, 2010

My day started out with my mom informing me that I’ve put on weight again, to which I replied “so?”. She then said “what so, I’m telling you you’ve put on weight again” as she stared at me. I just said “so what?” and walked away but I have a quick temper and was fuming inside. It basically means she thinks I should lose weight again to look pretty.  I remember her saying “stay at this weight, you look nice but don’t lose more, your face looks older then”.

I really don’t think she would understand that I’m quite pleased with what I see in the mirror- a girl with a big toothy smile, curls and curves that I have grown to embrace.

I don’t understand why I have to justify my body to anyone else or listen to opinions about it from anyone, even my parents. Actually, especially my parents because I know how superficial they can be. I have heard all the fat jokes and comments. Indians hate fat people. You grow up hearing things like “ her daughters are nice and slim”, “ she looks like a sumo wrestler”, “what happened to you? you used to be so thin and pretty?” It’s still considered alright to make fat jokes to the person’s face and the reply is usually a timid excuse.

I think I’m just upset that her comment triggered a reaction in me and I’m so afraid of something breaking this peace I have with my body right now. I wish I could tell her that a few months ago I was on the verge of becoming a bulimic again just because a boy didn’t think I was pretty enough. I wish I could ask her to spare me backhanded compliments like “you’re pretty even though you’re fat”.

I’m sure part of the reason  they say these things is because they know the world’s tougher for a fat girl and maybe they’re worried about what people think of me

I guess it just bugs me that I’ve managed to change others opinions but not my own parents.

Anyway, after this incident, the next thing I did was check comments from yesterday’s post. I might not get my support from home but at least I get it here. I’m really glad you guys understand.

So, end (unexpected) rant, let’s focus on the good stuff 🙂

SONY DSC

SONY DSC 

We received a sample t-shirt for one of my designs. I LOVE Bob Marley (most people from Goa do). I was singing Buffalo Soldier at four years old and I love his lyrics and quotes. I don’t know a lot of girls who would wear a Bob Marley t shirt but I find him absolutely inspiring.The boyf loved this so much he even tried it on (don’t tell anyone hehe) and I know many fellow Goans who would love this.

The artwork basically consists of a line drawing where his hair is made up of my fave lyrics.  The fabric is a polyester blend so that it fits better, I think it looks better on curves than cotton because from my experience cotton t shirts stretch out and are hardly ever form fitting.

What do you think? honest opinions please. My dad said it didn’t look like Bob Marley and I’m wondering if we should just stick to cotton instead. You’d be helping me so much with your feedback 🙂

  SONY DSC

SONY DSC

SONY DSCSONY DSC

I think my t shirt looked better on the boyf to be honest, I’m worried about my boobs making Bob Marley’s eyes look weird. Oh well.

This design is part of our Icon collection, others include John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Gandhi. I would love to hear some female icon suggestion from you, who do you love so much that you’d wear their face??  

Hugs♥

Comments

comments

  • I'm sorry your mom can't see what a beautiful girl you are – and I am being totally superficial when I say that. Yes, you are an amazing person on the inside, yada yada yada – but you are gorgeous on the outside!

    My sister is 5'10" and weighs about 125 lbs. My mom is always making snide comments about things she can wear that I can't because I am bigger than her, or that I'm jealous when I make fun of something she's wearing (she is a Hollister clone – I make fun of that of course!). I used to be super-skinny too – but I am seven years older than she is AND I have had two children. I know, like you, that it shouldn't bother me but it almost does more because it's my own mother.

    (I am so glad I have boys and no girls to deal with!) 🙂

  • I love it. I think for a chick tee…a longer tee that's more fitted would prob be more flattering for women. I Love the graphics!!!! LOVE IT!

  • No matter what people may say, you ARE beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with you or your body!

    Yea the world’s tougher for a fat girl, but that just means we are tougher and stronger because of it! 🙂

    Much love,
    Christina <3

  • Your shirt does too look like bob marley, I think it's amazing. I just hand it over to Will Smith on issues with parents – sometimes they just don't understand. My mom didn't understand either. Im not sure she was ever sure I could be happy. I don't think she thought it was a possibility. I hope one day your mom will be nothing but proud of how healthy your self image is.

  • Hey lovely,

    This was a really great and personal post. I grew up in a family where we were NEVER allowed to make disparaging comments about each other's physical appearance. In fact, it was almost the ONE and ONLY thing my parents were adamant about – so I can't imagine how such comments must feel when they come from your mum.

    That being said, I have made some very different choices to people in my family as regards profession and lifestyle (I am a vagabond traveling girl!)… that they don't understand – but I am happy.
    Focus on YOUR happiness. You are beautiful and you are supported. Sometimes, you need to look outside the family sphere though, and I am so pleased you wrote your post. We support each other out here, huh? Not just through the compliments when we rock awesome outfits – but we are all here for you, to support you in moments like these too.

    Hugs, honey. x.

  • Mom's are a mystery. My Mom Never told me I was pretty, EVER, as she thought it made little girls "stuck-up".
    This T is great. All the cool kids (including and especially males) wear them in Cincy. He represents freedom and hope and fighting against injustice. All the things that are important in this world 🙂
    I used to wear a Cobain T after his death . As a female, I wear T's that have meaning. I try to no longer wear Tinker Bellish ones, and this one would look great with leggings and chunky heel 😉
    You go girl. Follow your heart and stay true and beautiful 🙂
    The T is powerful!

  • You look amazing.
    Sorry about your mom, though.

  • I like the innovation behind the t-shirts design (the lyrics as his hair) the face isn't an exact likeness to him though…but on a more positive not i luv the tote and the entire outfit.

  • Ugh, I so understand bb 🙁 I think I'm thankful in that I don't really have a family and the ones I do have thankfully have stopped hassling me about my weight for years now. But the kind of passive aggressive shit that gets piled on fat people here is atrocious. And the worst thing, like you say, is that you are supposed to feel contrite and mumble something about going on a diet everytime you are confronted with this shit. Indians really do hate fat people and around here it's seen as something that's normal to do. You are a brave, brave person for being able to overcome an eating disorder (and I know how impossibly difficult that can be) – do NOT let the haters get to you.
    Also, love the outfit and the tee! As for female icons whose face I'd gladly wear – Beth Ditto! That would be a cool tee.

  • oh my.. you are beautiful! no matter what size, shape or form.

    i love the shirt. and i think that it does look like bob marley!

  • the picture of him is great, but polyester? and maybe something a bit more flattering for women would be cool as well 🙂 you look beautiful though. amazing how you can pull off just about anything!

  • I can definitely relate to you. My Mother is very much like yours. Sometimes I wonder why those around us worry more about what we look like then we do? Anyways keep your head up girl. It's nice to know we are not alone 🙂

  • "I wish I could tell her that a few months ago I was on the verge of becoming a bulimic again just because a boy didn’t think I was pretty enough. I wish I could ask her to spare me backhanded compliments like “you’re pretty even though you’re fat”."
    Why can't you tell her that? I realize that everyone's relationship with their parents is different, but I was having a really hard time with my mother until I told her some hard truths similar to yours, and now things are so much better it's remarkable. It could be a cultural thing, in which case I do understand that the difficulties with telling her could be massively worse, but I do tend to think that parents who truly love their children will have the ability to understand where they're coming from regardless.
    About the cotton versus polyester thing, I think I'm with you on the problems with cotton. You said honest feedback, right? I think I'm gonna have to agree with your dad that it doesn't look all that much like Bob Marley. I love him to bits though, so the idea is great!
    I'm actually gonna have to get back to your about female icons (how sad is that!).

  • sweetheart, thank you for sharing. I read this post before going out for breakfast and have been thinking about you now for a couple of hours. Like many of the other ladies here I can so relate to your feelings. One of the most freeing things I did in my healing process that I started some years back (among other things in relation to my eating disorder) was be honest with both my parents about how they impact me and who I really am. I still find that scary to do, but I have felt better afterwards, guess I was reclaiming my dignity as a person. I`m glad we can all support you, as you support the other bloggers/people in your life. I so want to affirm to you that you are worthy, beautiful, smart, caring, brave and funny, among other things, and I haven`t even met you:) and also, you are a very talented designer! I love the tee! Keep going sweetie, don`t let others hold you back or tell you you are something you are not. I deal with the same issues, thats why I wrote that post about labeling before, and you know LuAnne, we all love you, but it`s how you label your self that is key. Big hugs and kisses for you. xx <3 Anika

  • Your mum needs to mature, grow and stop being so shallow and superficial, you're beautiful as you are!

    xoxoxox

  • Anonymous

    Being Indian myself, I think its a whole my children = my identity thing. It probably has to do more with social insecurities than anything else. Indians (south Asians) have a much further way to go with accepting a lot of different things, not only weight. Look at all the skin lightening products flooding the market place for example.

    My mom gave me a hard time when I was growing up, and now she keeps defending me to people that bring up my weight….sometimes I don't know which is worse.

    I've learned to look at it as a generation that grown up with a completely different mindset and goals….and just hope we will be more supportive of our children…

    your gorgeous Weesha! Remember that!

    With regards to the T….I think you should do a different fit for women….shorther sleeves, longer, tapered around the waist, more comfortable neckline. The graphics are cool though!

    x

  • Lu you are a beautiful woman inside and out. I know how it feels to be criticised by a parent, but the important thing is that you're happy. Don't allow negative comments to sway your inner peace with yourself. We love & support you! You're amazing!

    As for the t-shirt, I love your concept. I love Bob Marley and all of his songs (my fav being I wanna love you), I really like the design. I think it would be awesome if it were an oversized slouchy tee 😀

    <3

  • mandi_b

    GAaaaaah! That makes me so mad!! You are beeeeyyyyyyooooootiful!! As you pointed out you have a big toothy smile, curls and curves and you are gorgeous. end of.

    rant over. 🙂

  • Parents like most people, they have their own insecurities, and when they cant deal wit it, they throw it out like babies throwing their toys out, and then they say its you, its your fault, you are wrong, you are not right, when all along its them, them too afraid too challenge society. you have choosen to buck the trend in many ways and I applaude your courage. i love your honesty, you care and it shows, you are a free spirit and that as it shoud be, thats what makes you unique, thats what makes you real. Have a great weekend

  • First off, you look great and I love the shirt.

    Second, I can relate to your mom story. My mom's gotten a lot better about this since she's gone through her own weight struggles, but my grandmother always tells me I've gotten fat whenever I go to visit her (and then proceeds to serve me waaaay too much rice and plantains). It bugs me, but I've gotten better at shrugging it off over the years. I think it's a generational thing, where the comments like, "You're putting on weight" and "You've got such a pretty face" are supposed to be helpful advice or compliments, respectively. We don't do that so much anymore. I don't know if this is the case for your mom, but it's sure helped me to take my grandmother's comments in stride and to find ways to explain to her that my weight is not my greatest concern.

  • I don't want to get into a rant about it right now, but I can relate to how you feel about your mom's comments. I've been through all of that and it really shakes your self esteem. I think as much as we try not to care, we just want our parents to think we're perfect and not express their displeasure at silly things like our looks.

  • I <3 you and your past two posts were great – you don't have to justify your body to ANYONE. A body is a beautiful thing no matter what. I love the tee-shirt – and I know my husband would probably love it even more!

    <3,
    Sarah

  • I think your beautiful! You're perfect the way you are if this is how you feel most comfortable 🙂

  • I'm going to email you in regards to your mother. *hugs*

    On to the shirt, I freaking LOVE IT! I would totally rock this shirt. Hmm as for female icons, how about Erykah Badu, Michelle Obama, Audrey Hepburn, Madonna, Janet Jackson…I'm sure I can think of more! 🙂

  • I think you're gorgeous!! I know exactly how it is, my parents have and are sometimes the same, we've had wars about weight, I've always tried to tell myself that they question my weight only because they love me and are worried about my health, however, it is SOOOO hard to take those comments when all you do is to try to feel good about yourself and love your body whatever size is it. You are so beautiful, just remember that, and if you feel comfortable with your body don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. 🙂
    Why are the asians so rude when it comes to fat people, they are like that in Philippines too!!!!! they just tell you right to your face…no manners. *sigh*

  • OMG I loveeee this T shirt sooo much! I would totally wear it! I think that Frida Kahlo, Audre Lorde, Gloria Anzaldua, Erykah Badu or Lauryn Hill would be great!

    oh and p.s. you are sooooo beautiful!!! Keep your head up and KNOW that you are PERFECT just the way you are and you have a community of women from ALL OVER THE WORLD that support you and think you are AMAZING!

    xoxo

  • I love your outfit and I want to steal that skirt!!! Where is it from?? I'm not sure if you already mentioned it somewhere, but I couldn't see it! I wanna say something about how people comment so easily about other people's weights…I'm originally from Turkey but lived in the US half my life (from teens on) and living here made me realize that there are all sorts of people in this world. Skinny, fat, chubby, tall, short, blonde,brunette, pretty, ugly…and I really learned to live with that. Every year, usually during summer, I go to Turkey and I have to deal with IDIOTS (yes they are idiots for making stupid comments, especially before looking at themselves in the mirror first!) who make unthoughtful comments such as…"Oh Ebru you gained so much weight". It used to bother me so much at first, then as years passed by and my confidence kept growing and growing, I taught myself to respond to these morons they way they deserve. Seriously, if someone doesn't respect me, why should I respect them? AS IF, all these people who make negative comments about other women's weights and bodies are so perfect themselves. Most of the women who make these comments are ugly as hell. Look at them, and you will see. Being skinny doesn't mean you're pretty, smarter or better than a woman who weighs more! And as if, by them making these comments, you will go on a diet or spend crazy number of hours at the gym so you can look good for them! Hahahaha these people are crazy, seriously! If someone tells you something like that, tell them something so they'll stfu about this forever. Don't ever let someone walk over you. You're a beautiful girl! I'm sure you're 1000000 times more gorgeous than the 'skinny and "pretty"' girls those people are talking about. Don't let them make you feel like there's something wrong with you!

  • OK, so I know I'm a little late on reading, but I just have to tell you that I think you are SO incredibly beautiful…and seeing you be so confident honestly makes ME feel more confident and more comfortable with my body. I know it's tough to have people say things like that, but when I read your blog you are an inspiration to me. So I hope you haven't taken those comments to heart…just let them roll right off of you, because girl, you are gorgeous!

    anddd I really like your Bob Marley shirt! I like how you made the hair your fave lyrics. Very cool!